Embrace the moment

Waiting

2007-08-06T00:16:00.000+08:00

This is quite getting on my nerves. And if I can, I would like to rip the daylights out of them.

Recently, I had this new driving instructor. He was supposed to bring me to a circuit to practice my driving for my test due end this month.

During the first lesson, he managed to surprised me unpleasantly, as I realized what he's freaking teaching is so different from what I've learned from my previous instructor. And these includes basic stuff like changing of gears to the freaking parking.

Never mind.

Then I asked him, straight after the lesson on Friday to settle my next session with him. He told me to call him on Sunday.

Fine.

When I called him on Sunday, 3pm, without much consideration, the first timing i got from him as 0900 on Monday.

Such a fucker. The reason I wanted to settle my session on Friday is to avoid this type of shitty timings. Like hello?! 9-freaking-am?! Is your mind on vacation?!

Never mind.

Then, at 1030pm, after 7hrs 30mins, he called me and said that there's a circuit available at 5pm and asked me to turn up for the 9am lesson as well as the 5pm lesson if I want the circuit.

And so, feeling that it was quite ridiculous to have 4 hours of driving lessons in a day, I asked him for alternative timings. And he responded like, this week might not have anymore, and next week is tough to get as well. I mean how screw up can this system get? I am paying him to get me a circuit. And all he can offer is some timing that I might not even make it.

He fucking takes me as an idiot waiting for him to teach or what. To just set things like this. Being sooo last minute and so inconsiderate. I am the one fucking paying him. And obviously he don't fucking DECIDE my schedule unless he's my fucking secretary.

Stuffs like these really make my blood boil.

I am so not getting private instructors, ever. They don't seem to have the common sense of responsibility, service and respect for their customers.

2007-07-04T19:15:00.000+08:00

It's MATRICULATION tomorrow!

Well, am I looking forward to it? Hmmm, well, I would say I rather sleep till late.. But it's quite encouraging when people like pao, shorn, lucy & fadz are so supportive for the booth. Makes me soo happy.

Hee!

Love you guys. Come come! Let me give you my bunny kiss.

2007-06-30T18:09:00.000+08:00

I just kept asking myself why do I persist in doing what I do although I know it's not the way I want it to be.

Maybe it's because that I just keep hoping. Hoping that things will change. Hoping and hoping. I think that's what it was all about. Hoping it'll be better, for myself and for most others.

Sometimes, it makes me hate myself. Like doing so much, caring so much, though I know it probably didn't matter to much people, and it'll not make me closer to what I intend to achieve whatsoever. Like whatever am I doing that for. I wonder if it's a feeling that one can easily comprehend. It's somewhat like you're just caught in the middle. Between hoping and the reality.

And oh boy, the reality sucks.

Not tenacious enough is it? So what?

Embrace the Smithereens

2007-06-30T01:24:00.000+08:00

If a guy loves you and be nice to you out of love. And if you want to enjoy the privilege of his love, you'll have to do something deserving.

You don't let him hear that someone else is better.
You don't take him for granted.
You don't treat him like a maid.

For he's not your gigolo, he's just someone with a heart of gold who has so much he wants to offer. Well, until the time, used and abused, can he only turn away and realise it was just a crazy dream.

Really, I am not good being Maria. If you go around treating people like Marias, how deserving are you?

Back

2007-05-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

I am finally back from Australia. Actually I got back on Friday. However I am still super tired. I went for a shopping spree with my mum today. It's really crazy, we walked and talked and eat and pick and bought. By evening we were so tired. I could barely walk anymore.

Well, I am suppose to be updating the Symphonia blog now. Or rather that was what I had planned to do. The entries are stuck at day 2 since last night. However, I am really shagged out. No inspiration, no mood. Besides, I just fell sick. I deserve a rest day. :(

Down with a bad sore throat which is getting on my nerves. And all I can hope for now is that I won't lose my voice completely tomorrow when I meet my darling.

Life's been great so far despite the lull period now, I guess. Perth was great. Though not super exciting or anything. However it was refreshing and quite rejuvenating on the whole, I like it. And my final verdict for the trip: I still love Singapore, my very own bed and the tasty local food. *SLURPS*

The girl with the balloon

2007-05-02T00:41:00.000+08:00

The little girl stood beside the bench clutching onto the string attached to the balloon ever so tightly. Afraid that even the tiniest movement or the slightest dip in concentration, will send the balloon flying up high above the heavens. When she will have to wail and whine about the lost balloon to her mum, who couldn't do anything much about it. =(

Maybe just maybe, if she had chose to let go of the string, and watch how the balloon gently floats away in the air with glee, she'll be happier.

Isn't life like that in some sense? Sometimes you think it is so rewarding to hold on tight so that no piece of the moment will be lost. And you get so focus about it that you lose track, and you fail to see that sometimes letting go, letting free is a much more meaningful and worthwhile choice.

Embrace myself. Tight.

2007-04-03T22:27:00.000+08:00

How does it feel like, how does it?

So do yourself really belong to you or just merely controlled by all the variables around you.

Choices are endogenous, but truly your endogenous decisions are often based on exogenous values, considerations.

So really really, do you really belong to yourself?

It's your "own" decision ultimately. But that's about all it's part of your own.

Then you decide to finally get yourself back, or to act as if you own yourself. But I guess it's only an illusion. Cause it's ultimately a decision brought upon by the factors that affected you in the first place.

Just thinking about it makes me sick.

Our Love-Hate Relation

2007-03-07T20:25:00.000+08:00

Perhaps some followers of my blog will know who can drive me up the most-est-est. Yea. The Dad Returns.

:(

He's doing his annoying stuffs again. Fine. Fine. I really don't know what to say. So now, I can go Aussie finally. But I am pissed.

Suppose:
If X agreed about P few weeks ago.
Today X disagreed about P,
and say that P was disagreed upon few weeks ago.

Hmmm.. that doesn't make sense. If few weeks ago, P wasn't agreed on. Today, X will not have to tell remind that P is not agreed upon.

No comments really. Hate it when this happens. Really.
At some point I love my dad. And others I think he is bearable. Most of the time, it doesn't bother me much. And at times like this, I just want to go bang the wall.

Symphonia's Concert is coming. I am having problems selling tickets. A lot of would-be clients turn be down half-way. Concert's this Sunday. And after that.. it'll be freedom for me I hope.

I really need to remember the hate part of it all. I see things too smoothly these days. And end up getting upset when someone spoils my perception of things.

Moments for thought

2007-01-29T22:43:00.000+08:00

Life has been full of sunshine these days. At the same time, I am so tired now.

Was doing a bit of microecons in preparation for the mid terms. Oh my oh my, it's hard! I am starting to feel the need to study harder. Need to pull my grades up up and up! And the coming weeks are going to get tougher. I really really can't wait for summer!

My lips had finally recovered. And I'll be frenching horn again tomorrow. I don't know if I should be happy or sad. I really hate band pracs on Tuesdays. Like one whole day of work since morning topping it up with band prac till late PLUS the Creative Thinking class the next morning. This is just such an ultimate combo that sure as hell drives me crazy.

Nonetheless, thank goodness in the midst of chaotic bullshits, I still love my life. So complete. :):)

The past few days

2007-01-22T23:17:00.000+08:00

The past few days. They were quite bad really. You know, to be stripped away from your laptop. It must have sounded totally absurd to you. But really, without my laptop life sucks.

I just finished writing my "creative" essay. Oh my. Hopefully my bluffing can get me somewhere. I mean, at least a decent grade for effort! It might not be the most beefy and coherent work I've yakked. But at least I took quite a fair bit to produce something pseudo-scholarly.

I am sick and I can't go for band these days. I've got some lip allergy. Probably from my lip balm. That's like totally tragic. You use a lip balm hoping that it'll make your lip better, instead it gives you some allergy. Oh my oh my, it hurts. I can't buzz for nuts. Really.

So, I've put myself out of action from any horn frenching for as long as it takes for me to recover.

* * * * *

Oh! And did I mention the great tanning session which gave me burnts in the rainy weather and loads of movies movies. That certainly brightened by days without my laptop, you know?

And now, I've completed my essay, gotten my tan, enjoyed myself a fair bit. The past few days ain't that bad without my laptop. However I've learned to appreciate my laptop more? And also reminded myself for another time, not to get Acer again, unless they improve?

For now, things are fine. Especially when I've finished my essay. Boy, it really isn't my forte at all.

Object Dock

2007-01-18T21:11:00.000+08:00

I was bored doing my work and decided to try out object dock. And seriously it's extremely pretty! :)

I like I like I LIKE!!!

And now I can concentrate on my schoolwork. :p

2006-12-31T11:43:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Hurhur..
This is quite an interesting quiz. Took it from Rick's blog. Try it try it!! *smiles*

Moment of Thoughts

2006-12-28T01:26:00.000+08:00

I really prefer to believe it's better to live normally. You know..be a good angelic one, and all. But it just gets tough for me. And I hate it when people I love makes it difficult for me.

The loving and protection is taking the wrong turn, as always I guess. Though I've grown to learn to be more appreciative of intentions. Nonetheless, they harm me instead.

The world I chose could has been empty and meaningless. Random. Void. But I rather have that, than to be let down. Disappointed. Which is so much darker, to have someone dashing all your hopes and things you hold dear.

Maybe I assume too much. Maybe I am too optimistic. Expect too much from the people I love. Maybe I should just pretend that I don't feel how I feel tonight, and fall asleep. And pretend everything is fine.

Maybe it's my fault in the first place to begin with. I just keep pretending and pretending..sometimes everything becomes blurred.

And the True Blue Bandits tried to conquer Sentosa

2006-12-14T23:58:00.000+08:00

It was a sunny morning, when the birds chip annoyingly and the sun shine ever so brightly on my bed. "Today is going to be a sunny day and so I thought". But I was like so terribly wrong.

With the lovely sunshine in mind, the true blue bandits attempted to go Sentosa to soak up some sun, get tan, get healthy, get happy. But when we reached Habourfront.. it was raining! *boohoo*

So the bandits decided to tour around vivo city to kill sometime in hope that the sun will come once again. So we walked, we ate, we bought stuffs. Then we spent more money, bought more stuffs. And..still no sun. :(

*oh sighs*

It was such a let down I felt. Dressing the gear, all ready for the beach day out but NO SUN!! *argh* Nonetheless we had loads and loads of fun laughing at and with each other at vivo. And did I mention those CUUUUTTTEEEE hamsters at pet safari! >.<

And lastly, the nicenice dinner we had at Sakura! The kangkong! The tomyam soup! We should do it more often ^^

Till again for the bandits, cause we're sooo gonna get our sand, sun & sea next week =p

Some random stuffs I saw today..

Figures Embraced

2006-11-24T01:36:00.000+08:00

Oh my, I am so tired. Watched Happy Feet today. Thought that it was quite a disappointment. Not as funny as I thought it would be. Nonetheless, the tiny penguin newborns are awfully cuuuttee! And it was quite a welcomed retreat from my intensive MFE and FA rescue.

Seriously, being raped by figures all week isn't fun. If it's not balancing something by addition and subtraction, it's about optimizing something by some twisted rules. It's killing me. X_X When it all ends, I deserve a good break.

Perhaps I should drop by km8 again. The beach pool was amazing! Great way to tan, in the water while enjoying the view of cute Caucasian chicks and hunks with the calming cocktails.

For now it's back to reality, exams are coming in no time and I hope everyone has been rather on task and things are going well according to study plan. For me, basically, it can be quite screwed but I am actively trying to savage the situation. So hopefully by Monday and Wednesday, I'll be up and ready to do THE tasks.

Just some interesting phrases for thought. That may pull your mind away for awhile! =)

#1) No man is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

#2) It's only funny until someone gets hurt...then it's hilarious.

#3) The horns are there to hold up the halo!

#4) There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

#5) If love is blind, then why is lingerie so popular?

#6) Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have.

#7) Don't wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.

#8) It takes years to build up trust and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.

#9) A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

#10) Your family and true friends love you, no matter what.

Boundless

2006-11-14T23:04:00.000+08:00

It's just one of those emo nights for me. Been such a long time since I've blogged something. Life for me can be put simply into two words. "Busy" and "Busier". And finally my presentations are over. And slowly, one by one, I clear my post-it notes which flood my desktop.

It's such a heartening feeling, you know. To just press the CTRL+T button (to trash) on your post-it note knowing that you have completed your task. Seeing those BOLD RED words on your post-it notes disappear one by one. The feeling is almost therapeutic!

As my overactive mind wanders off tonight, I decided by writing a little something that was looming around by my mind this evening.

Love boils down to nothing
Nothing but grief
Nothing but pain
Nothing but memories to cherish always
Nothing but stories to throw them away

Love grows from nothing
Nothing but illusions
Nothing but delusions
Nothing but imaginations that plays
Nothing but dreamings of the day

Love peaks from loving
Loving that boils to none
Loving that grows from none
Loving that toys the mind
Loving that deceits the heart

Love comes from nothing
And ceases to nothing
Love is nothing
But a mere excuse to love

Just take it with a pinch of salt, and have a great week ahead!
Study week is coming! Exams are coming! Oh boy oh BOY! I can't wait to play :P (okay, maybe that's a little TOO long run for now)

Feel

2006-11-02T01:14:00.000+08:00

Somethings are meant to remain unspoken and unwritten.

This is one of such things.

Sports Clinic

2006-10-28T21:58:00.000+08:00

Finally our execution for the project began. And look! We have the pinky-wabbit Nesquik Strawberry Milk, many thanks to Nestle and not forgetting Clamen who got us this sponsorship.

These packets of Nesquik are sooo amazingly cute and "junior" sized. In a way it looked kinda gay, being small, pinkieee and all.

Nonetheless, everyone enjoyed the free strawberry milk. The kids and...us - the bigger kids.

The execution of the sports clinic was really fun. Well, not only do the kids benefit, I myself kinda enjoyed playing frisbee as well. To some sense it changed my perception of sports.

Though I had to sacrifice my nails by cutting them all short cause of the frisbee game. As the frisbee was so fast that it kept chipping my nails each time I attempted to catch it. I got so fed-up that I just cut my nails all short.

*glance at fingers* Now they look kinda glum. Really..

(Bimbotic as it sounds. There's some sense of attatchment I guess. For the last time I cut my nails this short was back in seconday school when I was forced to, by some moron.)

Nonetheless, the sacrifice was quite worth it. I had fun playing with the kids. And most importantly, the kids enjoyed our company, appreciated us and learnt to play the wonderful game of ultimate frisbee.

Yea and I still love the Nesquik packets. So freaking cute!!

Death

2006-10-25T03:38:00.000+08:00

I just did my work with tears flowing. Well affirmed that my heart is officially dead. The wounds upon wounds. It just gets so tough to such a point that it shuts up and stops lamenting.

The mood swing yoyo strikes tonight!

2006-10-17T23:44:00.000+08:00

Suddenly I just feel so forlorn. Maybe I am just tired had a real tough day today. And all the messages and pictures I am seeing ain't helping.

Don't know why I feel so lousy all of a sudden.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. :)

Twisted

2006-10-14T02:31:00.000+08:00

Today was a bad day for me. Most things turn out wrong and bad towards the end of the day.

Bad enough. To make me react badly, to push me down.

I remembered how I was last time, if my day gets badly screwed up like this. I'll screw it up even more. Do things that are bad to feel better. Ironic. But it works. And probably still does.

Maybe now with life more settled and peaceful and so-called normal, I am reacting better. Maybe sometimes it's really good and important to have someone close to your heart. Someone who will promise to be there for you.

Maybe I was wrong about how rather pointless it is to have someone. Perhaps it really does have a real point.

Perhaps, I am being good for you.

Marking the start of break week!

2006-10-07T01:22:00.000+08:00

Had a fun day. Went out, roamed around town. Studied hard, prayed, learned new things, watched movie, band-ed, relaxed. It's such a wholesome day. Love it.

Went to Früjch today with the sympho-bandits. It's just this place they did up in school that's like a lounge. (well it IS the student's lounge. I think.)

It was a better place than I had initially expected. It's nothing glam. But still, it's great. Cosy chill out place with great music. Feels at home, really. With the ultra comfy sofas and bean bags. And it's just in school! Great place. I like!

With nice drinks & great company. It's just a lovely night. I can't wait for the exco retreat already! :D

I am so grateful for today. It marks a great start for my break week. Thanks for all the great company today. Eugene, and the lovable bunch of sympho-bandits and all!

- thinking fondly

A lil something

2006-10-05T00:06:00.000+08:00

Just a little something I thought was quite funny. So I am sharing it with you :)
Have a great week!

Oh boy oh boy, break week is coming!!! Just can't contain my happiness.

The Ten Commandments of Marriage

#1) Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

#2) If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

#3) Marriage is grand - and a divorce is at least 100 grand!

#4) Marriage life is very frustrating! In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

#5) When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

#6) Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

#7) Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

#8) Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

#9) Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why the wife treats the husband like toxic waste.

#10) A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is fininshed.

And this lil quiz. To de-stress from the horrendously hectic week!

You Are Lemon Meringue Pie

You're the perfect combo of sassy and sweet

Those who like you have well refined tastes

What Kind of Pie Are You?

Drowned

2006-09-30T00:58:00.000+08:00

It's been yet another gruelling week for me. Been really sick the past few days. The stomach flu was really killing me. It got so bad that I couldn't help but just sleep through my day and night. Thank goodness I am so much better now. I can eat the tasty food. I even had my cold cut trio sub today with the band peeps. YUMMY~!

Truly pampered with food. And truly appreciate my wellness. :D

The schedule is crazy next week (and probably for the rest of the school). But I've got this craving for a tan again! Watching my tan fade away slowly day by day, basking in the sun sounds like a fantastic idea. Sipping cocktails while reading some bimbotic magazines! That's life man! Don't you agree? :P

BUT! Maybe not.

Perhaps, I'll just do more schoolwork, work on presentations, assignments, revise and spend time pampering my s/o. Which sounds kinda good as well. Then I'll have more time for the rest of the week.

Decisions, decisions. Drowning our lives away.

I lost my heart

2006-09-20T01:52:00.000+08:00

The busy schedule today is suffocating.
You got pissed with me.
Cause I couldn't spend time with you.
Cause you are a chocolate martini.
Cause I am an untrustworthy bitch.

We quarrelled.
I cried.

So is this indeed the break up season?

I hope not.
One last chance.

Just a song that is really meaningful and made a connection tonight:

Foolish Games

You took your coat off and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that
I watched from my window
Always felt I was outside looking in on you

You were always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather

Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see
This is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees
These foolish games are tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart

You were always brilliant in morning
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee
You philosophies on art, Baroque moved you
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar

You'd teach me of honest things
Things that were daring, things that were clean
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back
Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you

Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself
These foolish games are tearing me apart
You're tearing me, tearing me, tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart

You took off your coat and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that

Cravings, casted aside

2006-09-19T00:41:00.000+08:00

With this persistent craving to party and unwind tonight. I really wish I have the free time to play and sleep for hours till afternoon. Unfortunately, time is against me this week.

So, to butter my soul up, I decided to give myself a breather by doing some of those cute quizzes online. It was fun - reminds me of the secondary sch days when I had a lot of free time to do such surfings and about the times when the "gang" blog a lot.

I am too greedy for comfort. I need a better unwinding activity than just surfing. Yet for now, I've to set things straight and get back to work.

Meeting early in the morning and loads of important stuffs coming up this week. Test, presentations, annual general meeting..

Oh man.. the scintilating lights of the big city! To love it and hate it!

And here's a lil something from one of the quizzes I did earlier :)

You Are A Blueberry Martini

You are a eclectic drink - liking to change drinks and venues often.

You are usually the first of your friends to find a cool new dive bar or cocktail.

You should never: Drink mystery drinks strangers hand you. Unless you want to wind up in foreign country.

Your ideal party: Is mobile, hopping from party to party.

Your drinking soulmates: Those with an Orange Martini personality.

Your drinking rivals: Those with a Chocolate Martini personality.

What Flavor Martini Are You?

So do you have Orange Martini's personality?

Mathematics for Genius

2006-09-14T16:36:00.000+08:00

As I carefully work my way through my homework last night, this morning, this afternoon as well as tonight (Yes I took THAT long), I can't help but wonder.

Wonder who on earth thought putting maths and econs together would be a good idea. It's really boring and difficult. Economics was the best subject in the world, until maths decided to sneak in.

This MFE (maths for econs) thing is really not for me. Think I'll burn tons of time just to do the homework and consulting for help, cause I am just not genius enough.

Nonetheless I've managed to crawl through every question and did a pretty piece of work. I've actually completed a hideous piece of assigment!

To think I thought FA(Financial Accounting) was a fuss, MFE is driving me to hell >.<

God save us all.

Anniversary - The two of us

2006-09-13T01:55:00.000+08:00

It's been a year. A whole of tears, sweat, anger, exasperation and happiness. I've never been the sort who can actually settle down, or so I thought. Apparently, relationship is really about self-discovery.

You've been a great friend, teacher, lover, boyfriend and so much more. You've made me happy over the highest mountains and drove me way up the wall. You've made me "screamed" at you, at the same time, realised how much I love you.

It's been a great year. Despite how many times we made each other cried and let each other down. Not forgetting, the many times which we wanted to give up? Didn't we? It's been a tough journey for us. Thanks for sharing this part of my life and continuing to do so with each passing day.

The very first

2006-09-10T20:32:00.000+08:00

School has started for me all over. It'd been such a nerve-wrecking-ly long break since I start making use of my brain and socialising much. Despite the stress so far, I really love being a student again. The perks you get, the new friends you get to make, it's like entering a whole new realm again. As of now I am enjoying my moments and I intend to continue doing so!

Yet with a jolt of hard reality, it's going to be Monday all over again. And this week's schedule is just about as unkind as the last. Till again, when I finally can sit down in peace with a cup of fruit tea and clear my mind.