Waiting
This is quite getting on my nerves. And if I can, I would like to rip the daylights out of them.
Recently, I had this new driving instructor. He was supposed to bring me to a circuit to practice my driving for my test due end this month.
During the first lesson, he managed to surprised me unpleasantly, as I realized what he's freaking teaching is so different from what I've learned from my previous instructor. And these includes basic stuff like changing of gears to the freaking parking.
Never mind.
Then I asked him, straight after the lesson on Friday to settle my next session with him. He told me to call him on Sunday.
Fine.
When I called him on Sunday, 3pm, without much consideration, the first timing i got from him as 0900 on Monday.
Such a fucker. The reason I wanted to settle my session on Friday is to avoid this type of shitty timings. Like hello?! 9-freaking-am?! Is your mind on vacation?!
Never mind.
Then, at 1030pm, after 7hrs 30mins, he called me and said that there's a circuit available at 5pm and asked me to turn up for the 9am lesson as well as the 5pm lesson if I want the circuit.
And so, feeling that it was quite ridiculous to have 4 hours of driving lessons in a day, I asked him for alternative timings. And he responded like, this week might not have anymore, and next week is tough to get as well. I mean how screw up can this system get? I am paying him to get me a circuit. And all he can offer is some timing that I might not even make it.
He fucking takes me as an idiot waiting for him to teach or what. To just set things like this. Being sooo last minute and so inconsiderate. I am the one fucking paying him. And obviously he don't fucking DECIDE my schedule unless he's my fucking secretary.
Stuffs like these really make my blood boil.
I am so not getting private instructors, ever. They don't seem to have the common sense of responsibility, service and respect for their customers.
It's
MATRICULATION tomorrow!
Well, am I looking forward to it? Hmmm, well, I would say I rather sleep till late.. But it's quite encouraging when people like pao, shorn, lucy & fadz are so supportive for the booth. Makes me soo happy.
Hee!
Love you guys. Come come! Let me give you my bunny kiss.
I just kept asking myself why do I persist in doing what I do although I know it's not the way I want it to be.
Maybe it's because that I just keep hoping. Hoping that things will change. Hoping and hoping. I think that's what it was all about. Hoping it'll be better, for myself and for most others.
Sometimes, it makes me hate myself. Like doing so much, caring so much, though I know it probably didn't matter to much people, and it'll not make me closer to what I intend to achieve whatsoever. Like whatever am I doing that for. I wonder if it's a feeling that one can easily comprehend. It's somewhat like you're just caught in the middle. Between hoping and the reality.
And oh boy, the reality sucks.
Not tenacious enough is it? So what?
Embrace the Smithereens
If a guy loves you and be nice to you out of love. And if you want to enjoy the
privilege of his love, you'll have to do something deserving.
You don't let him hear that someone else is better.
You don't take him for granted.
You don't treat him like a maid.
For he's not your gigolo, he's just someone with a heart of gold who has so much he wants to offer. Well, until the time, used and abused, can he only turn away and realise it was just a crazy dream.
Really, I am not good being Maria. If you go around treating people like
Marias, how deserving are you?
Back
I am finally back from Australia. Actually I got back on Friday. However I am still super tired. I went for a shopping spree with my mum today. It's really crazy, we walked and talked and eat and pick and bought. By evening we were so tired. I could barely walk anymore.
Well, I am suppose to be updating the
Symphonia blog now. Or rather that was what I had planned to do. The entries are
stuck at day 2 since last night. However, I am really shagged out. No inspiration, no mood. Besides, I just fell sick. I deserve a rest day. :(
Down with a bad sore throat which is getting on my nerves. And all I can hope for now is that I won't lose my voice completely tomorrow when I meet my darling.
Life's been great so far despite the
lull period now, I guess. Perth was great. Though not super exciting or anything. However it was refreshing and quite
rejuvenating on the whole, I like it. And my final verdict for the trip: I still love Singapore, my very own bed and the tasty local food. *SLURPS*
The girl with the balloon
The little girl stood beside the bench clutching onto the string attached to the balloon ever so tightly. Afraid that even the tiniest movement or the slightest dip in concentration, will send the balloon flying up high above the heavens. When she will have to wail and whine about the lost balloon to her mum, who couldn't do anything much about it. =(
Maybe just maybe, if she had chose to let go of the string, and watch how the balloon gently floats away in the air with glee, she'll be happier.
Isn't life like that in some sense? Sometimes you think it is so rewarding to hold on tight so that no piece of the moment will be lost. And you get so focus about it that you lose track, and you fail to see that sometimes letting go, letting free is a much more meaningful and worthwhile choice.
Embrace myself. Tight.
How does it feel like, how does it?
So do yourself really belong to you or just merely controlled by all the variables around you.
Choices are endogenous, but truly your endogenous decisions are often based on exogenous values, considerations.
So really really, do you really belong to yourself?
It's your "own" decision ultimately. But that's about all it's part of your own.
Then you decide to finally get yourself back, or to act as if you own yourself. But I guess it's only an illusion. Cause it's ultimately a decision brought upon by the factors that affected you in the first place.
Just thinking about it makes me sick.
Our Love-Hate Relation
Perhaps some followers of my blog will know who can drive me up the most-est-est. Yea. The Dad Returns.
:(
He's doing his annoying stuffs again. Fine. Fine. I really don't know what to say. So now, I can go Aussie finally. But I am pissed.
Suppose:
If X agreed about P few weeks ago.
Today X disagreed about P,
and say that P was disagreed upon few weeks ago.
Hmmm.. that doesn't make sense. If few weeks ago, P wasn't agreed on. Today, X will not have to tell remind that P is not agreed upon.
No comments really. Hate it when this happens. Really.
At some point I love my dad. And others I think he is bearable. Most of the time, it doesn't bother me much. And at times like this, I just want to go bang the wall.
Symphonia's Concert is coming. I am having problems selling tickets. A lot of would-be clients turn be down half-way. Concert's this Sunday. And after that.. it'll be freedom for me I hope.
I really need to remember the hate part of it all. I see things too smoothly these days. And end up getting upset when someone spoils my perception of things.
